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East of the Boardwalk
The Miracle of Ocean City's #1 Beach Bum

by Earl Paul ©2010, Hard Cover, ISBN: 978-1-935232-21-5, 220 pp
 

“There’s no such thing as a bad day at the beach!” At least according to Ernest Paul.

 

In the fifteen years since the passing of his beloved wife Cass, Earl believes he has spent more time on the beaches of Ocean City than any other person…ever! He has weathered all types of conditions to accomplish this incredible feat. Clearing snow in the winter is just another day in paradise.



And Earl has seen a lot of strange and wonderful things in his thousands of hours per year at the beach. These are the fascinating stories and personal observations of "Ocean City's #1 Beach Bum!"

Preface . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .9

—1—

A Miracle on the Beach...and East of the Boardwalk is Born . . . . .11

—2—

“Wait a Minute” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16

—3—

Trouble in Paradise . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .23

—4—

Her Mom . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .33

—5—

Why? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .37

—6—

Did You Ever… . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .41

—7—

Wonder… . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .71

—8—

Lifeguards . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .72

—9—

When I Am the Mayor… . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .76

—10—

Beach Wear . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .78

—11—

Birds of My Beach . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .85

—12—

Bodyboarding . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .94

—13—

It’s About the Beach . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .102

—14—

Beach Bum? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .106

—15—

Beach Etiquette . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .110

—16—

Bow Wow City . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .121

—17—

Bow Wow City: Conclusion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .126

—18—

Why Dogs Must Be Banned from Our Beautiful Beaches . . . . . .129

—19—

Someday Maybe… . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .131

—20—

Top Ten Reasons Why I Am Always on the Beach . . . . . . . . . . . .133

—21—

I Give Up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .135

—22—

Lucky . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .136

—23—

Sun of Mine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .138

—24—

The One Hundred Yard Forecast . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .139

—25—

Acceptance and Health . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .142

—26—

Beautiful Winter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .144

—27—

Wicked Winter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .145

—28—

Some Suggestions for God . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .147

—29—

Earl’s Favorite Beach Jokes, One-liners, Retorts and Jokes . . . . .150

 

Lifeguard Humor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .155

—31—

The Beach Tag Game . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .157

—32—

Talk of the Beach . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .158

—33—

You know it is going to be a bad day at the beach when: . . . . . . .160

—34—

The Game . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .162

—35—

Number One Beach Bum? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .165

—36—

Number One Beach Bum in the World . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .168

—37—

Recognition . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .170

—38—

Expanded Recognition . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .173

—39—

Touching Recognition . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .175

—40—

Unexpected Recognition . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .177

—41—

Divine Intervention . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .179

—42—

The Whale: Why My Beach? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .186

—43—

Commandments of the Beach . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .188

—44—

Looking Back . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .190

—45—

Big Blue Christmas Eve . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .193

“Off Season” – Winter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .194

—47—

Late Fall – The Beginning of the Lonely Time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .196

—48—

If my umbrella could talk! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .198

—49—

Questions I am asked that I don’t know the answers to. . . . . . . . .200

—50—

Why are you sitting so close to me? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .201

—51—

I just don’t get it: The Surrey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .202

—52—

Dear Sun… . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .204

—53—

Handicap Access – Where? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .206

—54—

I just don’t get it: Bicycles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .207

—55—

Happiness is… . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .209

—56—

War on the beach at Plymouth Place . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .211

—57—

Just have to get some things off my chest . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .212

—58—

The Second Time Around . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .215

—59—

The End . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .217

—20—

Top Ten Reasons

Why I Am Always on the Beach

#10 The seagulls wouldn’t have anyone to annoy.

 

#9 The price to sit there is reasonable.

 

#8 If you’re good at doing nothing, there isn’t a

better place to be.

 

#7 The city has me wired to the Tsunami early

warning system.

 

#6 Beach bum is the only job you can have that you

can be called a bum and it is a compliment.

 

#5 I still think the world is flat and I enjoy seeing

the boats go over the edge.

 

#4 I am making sure the tide goes in and out every

day.

 

#3 I am watching the boats out on the ocean. My

financial advisor told me that someday my ship

would come in.

 

#2 I enjoy doing nothing. Will somebody please tell

me when I am finished?

 

#1 If I don’t show up every day, my friends will

think that they’re on the wrong beach.

East of the Boardwalk

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